Monthly Archives: May 2008

May 31, 2008

the birds sing

By rhonirenee

I’m sitting on my patio, pen in hand, notebook on my lap but spending more time watching the clouds moving across a perfect blue sky than I am writing. The sun warms the area brightly but isn’t overbearing. The wind is rustling the honeysuckle laced bushes near me but outside of my little sheltered area I can still hear it’s intensity. I catch myself watching the speed of the clouds and the unsheltered trees whipping about. And I wonder if jumpers, even the more experienced ones, are in the air today or if the winds have them grounded despite the beautiful skies. It’s rare that I look up and not consider the jumping conditions and briefly wonder of those playing in the skies, if only for a moment. Most people make the same assumptions, the same comments. Skydivers are suicidal. They must hate life or be depressed or crazy. In fact, it’s the opposite. Every act taken during a day of skydiving is a resounding choice of life. It’s embracing all the joy and camaraderie and sensations available. It’s exhilarating. It’s truly experiencing rather than watching things happen. It’s not an attitude unique to the skydiving circle. White water rafters, expedition hikers, rock climbers, even roller derby girls all stand up and say “This is my life and here’s how I choose to embrace it completely.” It’s just that only the skydivers get to hug the clouds. But for now, I’m land bound. And it occurs to me that for the first time, I’m really okay with that. I am as content with my life as I can possibly be right now. I’m surrounded by everything – and everyone – that I need or want. Someday maybe I will play in the skies again. For now I’m content to watch the fat bumblebees play tag above my head.

“…And once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been, and there you long to return…” – Leonardo da Vinci

Leave a comment | posted in Uncategorized

May 30, 2008

Counter point

By rhonirenee

That last post needed to be written. The thoughts and emotions needed to be poured out onto “paper”, purged. But now it’s done and it’s time to focus on the rest of my life - which happens to be pretty wonderful. In less than 24 hours I have smiled many more times than I’ve cried and for so many reasons:

  • watching the two most important people in my life interact happily
  • reminiscing
  • getting completely lost in a moment
  • planning for the future
  • LOTS of hugs from TheKid
  • TheKid’s antics and laughter
  • my girls Sadie and Jess
  • new blogs on my faves list
  • clever emails from co-workers
  • text messages
  • the stir of a creative spark again

This could’ve easily been a Thursday Thirteen but I didn’t want to wait a week.  There’s so much happiness in my life and that’s what I want to focus on.

Leave a comment | posted in life

May 29, 2008

Good Bye

By rhonirenee

Five years. I know in the grand scheme of life that’s not a long time. 1,825 days and I think only once we went more than 24 hours without communicating. Five years of being a constant presence in my life. A constant positive presence. I can honestly say I’m a better person for having him in my life.

I’m referring to TheExBoyfriend of course.

I think I always knew that the romantic relationship wasn’t permanent. Of course I always thought that he would move onward and upward without me, that being half of a couple would eventually be the weight holding him back. But honestly, I never once believed the day would come where we wouldn’t be friends. I never pictured my life without him in it. I never expected to NOT be able to tell him things. Yet that was the resolution of a conversation earlier this week. The decision was made to sever contact. It was for the best we said. And it is. But I have picked up my phone or started an email countless times this week. Never for anything major. Just little daily things that I never would’ve hesitated to tell him about before but now…now it’s out of line.

Tonight something came up that I felt was worth breaking the silence for. He showed as offline so I shot off a quick email while telling a mutual contact about it. Only to find out he was actually on chat.

Apparently I’m blocked. And while he responded to my email, there’s a finality to being shut out of chat. It truly feels like a severance. And I’m surprised by how affected I was by it. I know it’s what needs to happen. Yet…my chest constricted. It was very much like having the breath knocked out of me. I’m happy with my life and excited by the future. Yet I’ve cried off and on all night. I suppose it’s natural…a mourning of sorts. I’ve lost one of my best friends ever. And yeah. It hurts.

4 comments | posted in emotional

May 28, 2008

Thursday Thirteen #4 – Music

By rhonirenee

Thirteen songs currently playing constantly on itunes (listed in no particular order):

  1. “After Tonight” – Justin Nozuka (total hotness)
  2. “In Your Eyes” – Peter Gabriel
  3. “Before Your Love” – Kelly Clarkson
  4. “Footprints in the Sand” – Leona Lewis
  5. “Bleeding Love” – Leona Lewis
  6. “Bless the Broken Road” – Selah
  7. “At The Beginning” – from Anastasia
  8. “For You I Will” – Teddy Geiger
  9. “Our Eyes” – Teddy Geiger
  10. “Bubbly” – Colbie Caillat
  11. “Realize” – Colbie Caillat
  12. “The Way I Am” – Ingrid Michaelson
  13. “Annie’s Song” – John Denver

3 comments | posted in Music, Thursday Thirteen

May 26, 2008

Musing

By rhonirenee

I told a friend the other day that my muse is mute. She visited me yesterday but the post that she whispered isn’t ready for public consumption. Life has to catch up with my thoughts, the timing is wrong. So it will languish in my drafts folder until I have the confirmation necessary to push the publish button. Fickle inspiration left me with little else to work with though I can’t say I really blame her as I’m not giving her much to work with either. Writing, for me, is an emotionally focused endeavor. I don’t need the angst of Sylvia Plath or joy’s equivalent but there does need to be some sort of emotional interest and focus. And lately the focus has been lacking. The emotions are there in spades but in such a jumbled, chaotic mess that trying to put anything on paper feels like trying to thread a small needle with thick yarn…you can struggle and start to pull it through but strands of yarn end up snarled and tangled around the needle leaving you with a bigger mess than when you started. So yes, writing has been almost painful lately. Twitter gives me an easy out. It’s instant gratification. Jot down a quick thought in 140 characters or less and receive immediate feedback. A thought can be shared without the pressure of fleshing it into an entire post. Maybe my muse isn’t mute. Maybe she’s pouting. It’s also a great social networking resource that has resulted in a couple of new friendships and the social butterfly within me would normally be all a-flitter but along with that whole jumbled emotional mess is the feeling of being in limbo, that life is on hold until I know that one final puzzle piece is falling into place and I can hit the launch button on the rest of my life. (a four plus line sentence…some sort of record perhaps?) That doesn’t mean I’m living as if life is on hold but it’s a constant battle to maintain this elusive balance between now and soon/what if. And it’s the soon and more so the what ifs that are weighing heavy enough lately to threaten to pull me back down into that melancholy state that hovers just under my consciousness. I know that state. I know that slippery slope. And it’s not someplace I want to revisit during waking hours, I’ve seen it enough lately while asleep thankyouverymuch. But this too will pass. Both the melancholy and the pouty muse. Somehow I’m betting they’re related.

4 comments | posted in emotional, Neurotic

May 25, 2008

Happy Birthday to TheKid

By rhonirenee

Eleven years ago I was sitting in a hospital holding this fussy little alien-like life-form wondering what the hell I was supposed to do with it. I’d spent the night before stoned on half a milligram of Stadol, trying to talk my sister & best friend into sneaking a doughnut into the delivery room for me and singing “The Ballad of Curtis Lowe”.

Eleven years later I still have absolutely no tolerance for medicines, sing random horrible songs and have no IDEA what I’m doing with this whole mothering thing. But TheKid has thrived despite me. He has grown from a good natured, loving baby to a good natured, loving, intelligent and funny young man. I can’t wait to see what the next few years bring.

(Never got the 7 month pictures in a digital format so you get a picture of a page from his baby book)

2 comments | posted in family, Parenting, photos

May 24, 2008

Welcome to my new home

By rhonirenee

Hi! Welcome to my new home. I’m still getting things set up but overall I think I’m liking it here.

There are a few posts brewing that occurred to me while exploring a new trail today. However, I can’t seem to translate the general thoughts into coherent, interesting sentences. Until I can do the ideas justice, they will remain in the “blog fodder” folder while I gnaw on my lip in frustration. See, there’s one big downfall to this whole online thing. I never seem to have a pen within reach to abuse. Pen? Paper? That’s what Notepad is for, right?

I’ll have Weekly Winners up tomorrow and will work on lifting the writer’s block.

I think I’ll go work on categorizing the archives. That at least takes a bare minimum of brain power.

4 comments | posted in Blah, Blogging

May 22, 2008

Conversations with my almost 11 year old son

By rhonirenee

Tonight is TheKid’s fifth grade graduation. We went and bought dress pants, a dress shirt & tie last night. He is NOT pleased. Me? I’m thrilled. Not necessarily because he’s dressing up but if I have to sit through the mind numbing ceremony of which I only care about approximately 30 seconds, then he should have to suffer to. Mature? Nope. Do I care? Nope.

We had the following conversation earlier:

Me: “Go shower so you can get dressed”
TheKid: “Do I have to brush my hair?”
Me: “Yes. And use soap and shampoo when you shower.”
TheKid: “What?!!? Oh MAN this SUCKS.”

Upon arriving home and finding him all spiffy and clean and dressed, I immediately pulled out my camera and squealed. He rolled his eyes and informed me that before I’d gotten home he’d gone and found one of our male neighbors to ask how he looked. I asked why and received the following response:

“Because he’s a MAN Mother. You wouldn’t understand. You’re a woman AND my mother so you do things like…squeal and take pictures.”

Oops.

7 comments | posted in Kidisms, Parenting

May 16, 2008

Thursday Thirteen #2 – Belated Mother’s Day post

By rhonirenee

I commented on Ellinghouse today and it got me thinking about all the wisdom my mother demonstrated while raising three girls. Most of it I am much more appreciative of now than I was then. So with no further ado, here are thirteen parenting techniques and life lessons I learned from my mother. (And yes I know technically it’s not Thursday but I was distracted today.)

1. Boredom isn’t an option. We learned to entertain ourselves. My mother’s response to cries of “I’m bored!” was to turn with a glint in her eye, cleaning supplies in her hand and say “Oh I can cure that” or something equally as frightening.

2. Sisterly fights were solved by “hug outs”. She would make us stand in the middle of the room and hug until we had the giggles.

3. She didn’t let us have everything we wanted. Want to do four or five extra curricular activities? Too bad. She taught us to prioritize.

4. Sometimes though, we got EXACTLY what we thought we wanted. Ex: We complained that we weren’t allowed sweets often enough. She gave us a week to eat nothing but sweets. She would buy whatever we asked for – doughnuts, cake, ice cream, candy. The catch: we couldn’t have anything else. She then proceeded to cook all our favorite meals. We caved within two days. I’m surprised we lasted that long.

5. A sense of humor and adventure can turn the most mundane moments/trips into the most memorable.

6. Done correctly, “the evil eye” can bring even the most unruly of children under control without speaking a word. She can glare at strange children in restaurants and they’ll sit down and shut up. It’s an amazing feat to behold.

7. A cup of homemade hot chocolate can soothe most hurts and stress.

8. Books trump television. Always.

9. Family is important but not limited to those who share our genetics.

10. Always take the opportunity to play in the rain.

11. Homemade chocolate chip cookies are great for making friends.

12. Storms should be respected but not feared.

13. Never give up on a loved one. Ever. But don’t compromise yourself either.

5 comments | posted in Thursday Thirteen

May 15, 2008

Lost in translation

By rhonirenee

A portion of an email I sent earlier:

“Per our conversations, I have updated the trustee on the above referenced accounts from TrusteeA to TrusteeB. I’m attaching the corrected new account paperwork. Our system does not update the signature lines, only the registration and associated persons information. Even though the signature line still shows TrusteeA’s name, please have TrusteeB sign instead. I have confirmed this will not cause a problem”

The response I receive:

“On the account documents, you changed TrusteeA to TrusteeB, but on the signature page it still say TrusteeA. Please change and return to me. Thanks”

I give up. I’m going to nap now. Kthx.

2 comments | posted in Huh

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