Terrified. That’s about the only word to describe me right now. Everything is going so well in my life and I’m scared to death.

Yes. I’m insane. We’ve established that plenty of times in the past. Moving on.

This past week has been a whirlwind. My life has been turned completely upside down only for me to find that really, that’s the way it should’ve been all along. I know I’ve danced around the subject a lot, hinted at what’s going on, used filler to avoid telling you details. The fact is I’ve been hesitant to talk about it, at least publicly. I haven’t wanted to share yet. Everything has been so intense, so surprising, so…amazing…that I wanted to hold it all close. I wanted to absorb what was going on. I needed to keep it wrapped closely around me.

Recently I discovered that the most amazing man on the face of this planet was right in front of me. So to speak. As a friend I’ve been fond of him and was fairly certain that he was pretty awesome. But somewhere in the middle of some fairly serious conversations (that have been taking place almost non-stop for a week), I suddenly realized – I love this man. I don’t know exactly when. I don’t know exactly what was said. It was through the discovery of his values and life view and traits I could write an entire post on. Bottom line is, the more I learn, the more I love him. The truly amazing part to all this is that he sincerely seems to feel the same for me. I feel like I’m constantly basking in his words…beautiful words…I always feel cared for and spoiled and well, loved. And considering the attention whore we all know I am, that’s a feat in itself.

Enter fear – stage left.

He knows me well. I’ve been nothing but honest with him, brutally so at times. I’ve tried to warn him about my bitchy moods, how neurotic I get, my lack of patience. I don’t want to give him a false sense of me. But still? This woman he seems to see in me, I don’t see. And I’m terrified that when this initial high wears off, when the adrenaline quits flowing constantly, when reality sets in, he’s going to realize his mistake.

When this all started, I was hesitant to get involved, to trust, to let things get messy & illogical. Now? Now all I want to do is place myself in his hands and say here I am, mistakes and nightmares and guilt and neuroticism and all. I want nothing more than to make this work. I want to be worthy of his love and attention. I don’t want to screw this up. At the risk of sounding completely cheesy, I feel complete with him in my life. He makes me insanely happy and I gladly give all of myself to him. I’m just scared it’s just not enough.