Daily Archives: July 1, 2008

I’m fine how are you

“Hey did he leave yesterday? How are you?”

I heard that no less than ten times today. And each time I answered the same. A chipper “Yeah, he got home safe. I’m fine! How are you?”

What was I suppose to say?

“I cried myself to sleep last night. I woke up and cried this morning when I reached out and he wasn’t there and it hurts to breathe when I’m not focused completely on work but hey, other than that I’m peachy.”

I climbed into bed this afternoon and slept for an hour so I didn’t have to face the emptiness.  We web-cammed tonight and as I watched him hug his little boy, watched him dry his hair – my heart stopped for a moment, my breath caught in my throat. I teared up then. I feel tears well up periodically seeing him just out of reach. This has taken me almost an hour to write because I keep getting distracted watching him.

But honestly. I’m fine. Or I will be. The seperation is still fresh and so everything is amplified. I know that as we slip back into our routines, the distance won’t seem quite so overwhelming, the empty spot beside me won’t seem quite so suffocating. I will feel a void until we’re together again but that’s okay. It’s a temporary situation. So yeah, I’ll be fine. Just don’t call me at bedtime or first thing in the morning.


thank you I think I will

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Saying goodbye to Mars as it leaves your sign today is a mixed blessing. Your life has been full of activity and you may be sorry to see it return to normal. One the other hand, it’s time to slow down and replenish your energetic reserves. You can only continue to give of yourself for so long without becoming exhausted. Use this time wisely so you will be ready for whatever comes next.”

I don’t particularly like to slow down. At all. But I’m being hammered with that message from several different directions…the horoscope, the book I’m reading, my own body rebelling against me. There’s alot to do to prepare for “whatever comes next”. But at the same time, alot has been done for me. I don’t have to figure everything out. I don’t have to manage everything on my own. It’s an odd feeling to relax and know someone else is helping with the load.  So I think I’ll listen to what the universe is trying to hammer into my head and actually rest some this week. Instead of trying to plan the next six weeks down to the hour and cent, instead of making lists to keep track of my lists, instead of trying to meticulously inventory my apartment, I’m going to relax. I’m going to read by the pool and pet my cat and give myself a pedicure. I’m going to make plans with friends for the holiday. And by the weekend, I’ll be ready to tackle my lists and planner again.


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