Monthly Archives: February 2009

February 26, 2009

Everything changes part 2

By rhonirenee

With the job news I (and Jon) have started considering ways to ease the shock of a smaller income. I’ve looked at all the typical ways – coupons, bike riding. Jon and I have discussed dropping the gym membership and combining cell phone accounts. I’ve also considered some other steps to take that would not only reduce our expenses but also reduce our environmental impact…changes that I’ve casually considered in the past but was too lazy to carry out. Nothing like the lack of money to turn one green. I’ll discuss these more in depth in future postings. Right now there are few things I’m REALLY looking forward to about this whole part time gig.

1.  Writing – a past-time I’ve enjoyed since middle school with a teacher’s encouragement but over the years I’ve developed quite a repretoire of excuses why I wasn’t producing anything.  Recently I’ve submitted a few freelance articles to Associated Content with the intention of building a portfolio and hopefully pulling in a little extra coinage. Now suddenly I have time (and the motivation) to truly devote to this endeavor. Today I had an article featured on the front page ever so briefly (“A Parental View of Rachael Ramonas Party”)  Of the seven I’ve submitted this is one that ranks pretty high on the “Hey I don’t hate this!” list.

2.  Photography – I’ve mentioned it quite often around here. When I get overwhelmed or simply busy or something shiney catches my eye, photography seems to be the first thing to go. Even if I do get a few shots during the week, they languish in my camera past the point of interest. I plan to schedule some of this “free” time to reacquaint myself with my camera.

3.  Playing with recipes – I can’t wait to spend time cooking and baking instead of being on a timer to get sustenance down gullets before a meltdown occurs. Obviously I’ll only have two (week)days for this leisurely culinary experience but that also gives me time to prep for the rest of the week.

On top of all this there are projects at home I want to tackle – organizing the laundry room, deep cleaning the second bath/cats’ litter box room, pulling articles out of the mountain of magazines & recycling them – all things I’ve been putting off for far too long. I have a feeling my days “off” will be more busy than when I’m actually “at work”. I’ll definitely enjoy the time though!

1 comment | posted in time is a-ticking ticking ticking

February 23, 2009

Everything Changes

By rhonirenee

Those who visit here and are part of my church will see the irony in this title. Those who aren’t…well let me fill you in.  For the past few weeks, the refrain around The Pursuit has been “everything changes March 1″. We’re moving around service times, trying a new format (two morning services, two evening services). There’s several very good reasons behind this move but that’s not the point here. (If you’re in Boise you should totally check out The Pursuit though…great place)

Let’s throw in another bit of “irony”. Paul spoke yesterday on Colossian 3: 15-16. And he really focused on “let the peace of Christ rule in your heart”. He encouraged us that we have the security of Christ and so do not have to be concerned with worldly issues. This economy, our jobs, our finances….they’re all in God’s hands. That’s not to say we can bum around, throw money out the window and shrug “Oh God will take care of it!”.  No, He expects us to be responsible and prudent with the gifts He’s given us from our talents to our income. But that means that when we’re blindsided by life, there’s no reason to panic.

This morning I took the responsible step and emailed the derby coach. I explained that for now, the expense of derby wasn’t in our budget. Despite Jon’s repeated reassurances and encouragement, I never felt comfortable adding that expense to our household.  Sometimes it’s a good idea to listen to that little voice.

I have been known in the recent past to lament that I wished I could be a stay at home mom. I have daydreamed about working part-time and having extra time for freelance writing & cooking & baking etc. I even wrote a post on it although I’m not going to go back now and find the link.  But I didn’t feel that move was in the best interest of the family.

Do you see where this is going? Has it been obvious enough?

My manager called me into his office today.  Bottom line, they can’t afford to keep me on full time but they don’t want to just lay me off either. So, for now, they’re cutting me to part-time. I’ll work Wed – Friday at an hourly rate that is slightly less than my salaried rate would’ve translated into. So…cut hours, cut pay. I wasn’t really surprised. Business hasn’t been good. There have been a few too many closed door meetings.  Honestly the only thing that surprises me is that they’re keeping me on at all. The boss’s wife works part-time right now. She could pick up the slack and eliminate the expense of me altogether.  But they don’t want to let me go. They’re hoping things turn around in a few months and they can give me back full time status.

I am amazingly calm.  I think I was actually…relieved. I haven’t been 100% happy here but I’ve held onto “but at least I have a job”  I KNOW there’s a reason for this. I can’t imagine what it possibly could be but I know God has a plan. I heard on the radio one day that sometimes when we have the proverbial rug jerked out from under us, God is simply using the circumstances to guide & motivate us to where we need to be. (That’s massively paraphrased) It’s easy to cling to security but how many people have truly lived in His will while strapped to their self-made lifeline?

I don’t know what’s going to happen or where this is taking us. But I’m resting assured that we’ll be okay.

1 comment | posted in life

February 21, 2009

Diary of a Wannabe Roller Girl, Part 1

By rhonirenee

2-14-2009

My love affair with roller derby started approximately two years ago when some friends invited me to a bout (bout = roller derby game). It sounded interesting – definitely different from our usual fare of entertainment – and so I went expecting to be mildly amused by pay per view wresting style antics. And while there are definitely outrageous names and over the top personalities (and the outfits to match), the athleticism and focus of these women could not be denied. I watched transfixed as the teams skated their introduction laps on the quad skates I spent my childhood on. I sat in awe as they whipped through turns, hair streaming behind them. I watched in envy as they set aside their daily identities of businesswomen, mothers and wives and adopted personas of strength and aggression and fierce competition. I witnessed a sisterhood of comrades, even between teams, and I wanted to be part of it.

It took two years of watching from the sidelines before life brought me to a point where pursuing the roller derby dream was a possibility. But after a chance meeting online and encouragement from my husband, I made plans to join a practice for girls new to the league in my town.

Normally Saturdays are the one day a week I have to sleep in but I found myself awake much earlier than necessary. Though I’d spent the past few days in a tizzy state of excitement, the nerves kicked in the closer the clock ticked to practice time. I left early and was the first to arrive. The little warehouse was a no frills facility. The track was marked out by tape; notes were taped on the cinderblock walls. I was given the waiver to sign before being directed to the lockers of gear and instructed on how to choose knee, elbow and wrist pads. I found skates and a helmet that fit and looked at the coach expectantly. “Okay. Start skating” She gestured at the empty track. I looked at her. I looked at the track. I looked at the other girl who’d arrived and I gripped the wall a bit tighter. Somehow I remembered navigating on skates to feel a little more….natural. My fellow beginner grinned in sympathy and said “I hadn’t worn skates in two decades before I started 3 weeks ago. You’ll remember soon enough.” With that simple statement, I felt the camaraderie I’d envied two years before settle around me and I pushed off confidently onto the smooth concrete.

Two hours later I had fallen approximately twelve times and stumbled at least twice that. I was out of breath, soaked in sweat, nursing an aching ankle and was feeling muscles scream that I’d forgotten existed. And I couldn’t help but grin. It will take awhile to become an aggressive, confident roller girl flying around the track on eight wheels. But I had taken the first step. Looking around at the other “newbies” and our coaches I couldn’t wait for the next practice.

1 comment   |  tags: , | posted in roller derby

February 18, 2009

Responsibility bites

By rhonirenee

First of all let me say, roller derby practice rocked. I discovered muscles I’d forgotten existed. There was one skill I could NOT do and declared my intense hatred for it loudly…which prompted them to lead us through an equally detestable drill to develop said hated skill. But I finally managed to do it making the drill well worth the pain. I also fell. Lots.  And laughed. Lots. And limped for a couple of days. And I loved it all.

But it’s expensive. I mean compared to some other hobbies maybe not. The equipment is pricey but it’s not like it wears out often. But until I get my own equipment there’s rental fees. And monthly dues. It’s cash I can’t justify spending. I don’t even know that I’ll have it to spend. So by yesterday afternoon I’d come to the conclusion that as much I REALLY wanted to do this, it wasn’t in the cards right now. I practiced saying it all the way home. “I’ve decided not to do derby. It’s just too expensive.” I said it over and over until I could almost utter the words without crying.  But as silly as I knew it was, I still cried when I told Jon.  He wants me to do it. He’s encouraging me to continue at least until I have to start paying montly dues. I’m still hesitant. If it was this hard to let go of the dream after ONE practice, how much more disappointed will I be after four? Or maybe I’ll be more prepared. I don’t know. There’s also the family and church schedule to consider.  I thought I had that figured out too but now I’m second guessing because it means forcing the rest of the family’s Sunday to cater to my plans. 

It’s disappointing but I should’ve thought it through better before getting so excited. I gave myself last night to wallow and cry. Now it’s time to quit acting like a spoiled brat.

Leave a comment | posted in Uncategorized

February 17, 2009

Selfish

By rhonirenee

I feel like I’ve gotten very complacent lately. Lazy.  At my core I’m a very self centered, selfish person. I have to work to consider others’ needs. I struggle to see beyond myself to what someone else might desire.  It’s a trait I truly despise and yet I’ve let it creep back into my life.  On “big” issues I’m aware, cautious. The roller derby thing – I checked in with Jon to make sure he was really okay with it. I’ve talked with him about the schedule. And he genuinely seems happy and proud that I’m doing it.  I’ve already started planning ways to keep the schedule from impacting family life, to make sure I still take care of them and we all still have quality time. The big obvious issues I have a handle on (I think). No – it’s the little things.

Valentines Day. I hate it. Despise it. History aside, I dislike the intense pressure to have a “perfect romantic” time, to come up with the perfect gift that illustrates ones undying affections. It’s fun to do things for the kids but for adults it seems forced, fake, cheap.  And so, I chose to ignore it. Jon commented that he would like to do something but I dismissed it. Don’t all guys secretly want to be let off the hook? That was my rationale but it was a selfish one. He uses every opportunity every day to pamper and spoil me. Would it have killed me to acknowedge the holiday?

Example 2 – last night. It was a rough parenting night. I knew he was frustrated and tired…we both were…so I told the boys they could watch a movie. Rationale – they’d be quiet in another room giving him (us) some peace and quiet to decompress.  But I didn’t look at the full picture. I didn’t consider the Netflix movie he’d been wanting to watch all weekend. In fact I’d been so wrapped up in myself all weekend, I’d forgotten it completely. And so once again, I missed an opportunity to step outside of my existence and make life easier for him, show him I DO pay attention and care. Once again in my self-centerness I added frustration.

I could list many more examples. There are so many opportunities every day to show him how much I care, to prove that he means more to me than words can express. And yet I let them pass by. I notice after the fact, I realize only in hindsight. And I worry that if I can’t be a good partner now, how am I going to be a decent wife? The only thing I know to do is keep working on it, make it a priority to focus outside myself.  I don’t know that it will ever come naturally but I can’t continue to be complacent.

1 comment | posted in Uncategorized

February 13, 2009

Oozing excitment

By rhonirenee

Guess what I’m doing tomorrow? Nope, not that. Noooo, not that either silly. And…what? Who do you think I AM anyway? Sheesh.

Give up?

I’ll give ya hint. This has been a dream for almost two years now.

Still don’t know?

Okay. I’ll tell you.

I’m going to my first roller derby practice! Yes, yes I am. I talked to a woman on twitter who happens to help coach the “Fresh Meat” group and she started encouraging me to just jump in and try it. And so I am. And I could not be more excited. I expect to come away sweaty, sore and bruised…just from practice. And I can not wait.

1 comment | posted in life, me me me

February 11, 2009

Urban Legends

By rhonirenee

We’ve all heard the old horror story….girl is driving along an old, dark highway when a car starts tailgating her and flashing his brights every so often. When she gets to her destination a man comes running up, yelling “There’s a guy in your backseat with a knife.” He was flashing his lights everytime the guy sat up so he wouldn’t attack the girl.

What a fun story. Good for a few chills maybe the first time you heard it. Especially if you ever made a drive along one of those highways as we often did going out to be my best friend’s house.

Last night I took Jon’s car to the grocery store. It wasn’t late – 8:30 or so – but it was well past dark and our driveway has NO ambient lighting. I clicked the unlock button on the key fob only to realize the doors were already unlocked…and paused. Slowly I moved over to the back driver’s side door and peeked in. I walked around and peeked in the passenger side. The backseat looked empty but yanno, it WAS rather dark. So JUST to be absolutely certain that there wasn’t a crazed homicidal maniac crouched in the floorboard, I opened the driver door and cautiously leaned in to look with the light on…all the while poised to jump back out if I actually found someone.

You’ll be relieved to know that no crazies were in sight.

(I didn’t look in the mirror.)

This isn’t the first time I’ve performed such an inspection. I also glance under the car while walking up to it, just to make sure no one is hiding underneath to slice my Achilles’ tendon (gang initiation yo…remember THAT one?).

Alligators in the sewer though? Totally ridiculous.

2 comments | posted in me me me, Neurotic, Random

February 3, 2009

My own personal blissdom

By rhonirenee

Tonight was one of those wonderfully transcendent evenings that makes one sigh in contentment. Jon took the boys for haircuts after work so there was ample time to change in peace and start dinner. They arrived home a little bit later full of laughter and chatter about their day. Jon reported that TheLilOne not only sat through his haircut without throwing a fit (for the first time EVER), he also talked to the barber. He talked…to someone he didn’t know…a lot. His pre-school teacher even commented he’d been in a good mood lately – seemingly minor events perhaps but fairly major in our world. We were able to open the doors, filling the house with fresh fragrant air and sunlight. I cheerfully cooked dinner while the older two boys kicked back on the couch with books. Dinnertime commenced with nary a whine. The table was surrounded by smiling faces and jokes flew back and forth between bites. There are dishes to be washed, laundry to be put up, and writing to be done…all of which have been delayed by three boys happily demanding my attention. I’ve been glad to comply. And all that can wait a little longer…they’re requesting my presence for an impromptu family movie night. Nights like this can be categorized as pure bliss and make this parenting gig seem easy.

1 comment | posted in family, life, Parenting

February 2, 2009

Groundhog Day

By rhonirenee

Well the little rodent’s handlers saw his shadow today. It’s sad really. They pull him from his comfy little box and thrust him into the cold winter air in front of a huge crowd. Talk about a rude awakening. And then to add insult to injury it’s HIS half awake confused rear that gets blamed if winter carries on a bit longer than preferred.

I’m a little befuddled that this tradition has gone from elementary school distraction to such mainstream popularity. Someone feel free to explain to me how this hoopla ties in with the recognition of Mary’s ritual purification? The current cartoonish carrying-ons bear little resemblance to even the simple recognition of winter’s midpoint & promise of spring — meanings of the day that I can well relate with. I blame Bill Murray.

There seems to be a trend around the internets sparked by that ubiquitous movie to reflect on what day one would like to go back and “do over”.  I’ve mulled that question over all day and finally come to my answer.

None.

See my original thought process was to figure out what I’d want to go back and change - hindsight being 20/20 and all. And I had to decided there was nothing. I’ve personally seen how the most minor of incidents or decisions can majorly affect our lives.  So then I start reviewing the most perfect days in my life. But the truth is, although there have been amazing moments, I wouldn’t want to re-live them. They’re treasured memories and I don’t think those times would be enhanced by a second attempt. Part of the joy of life is the unknown, the immersion into those perfect moments to the exclusion of all else. Somehow knowing the outcome would cheapen the experience. Besides, I’m rather looking forward to what’s in store for me next.

Leave a comment | posted in life

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.