Hi. I have a confession to make.
I’m a wee bit of a control freak.
But just a little.
When Jon and I decided to move me out here, I had panic attacks over the prospect of not finding a job immediately and him supporting me. When we started discussing marriage, the idea of combining finances and accounts freaked me out. I had my system, my spreadsheets. I didn’t have to “ask permission” to spend money or justify purchases. Then it finally sank in – Jon doesn’t expect me to ask permission or justify anything. He simply expects communication, which really is quite a reasonable expectation, don’t you think?
As we’ve merged accounts, he has started taking on the bill paying responsibilities. The only one thing I still handle is the credit card debt I brought into this union. This week I emailed him those balances with the message “Tell me how much to pay and what the grocery budget is”. And it was with a sense of relief. I don’t have to think about this stuff anymore. I don’t have to worry about what gets paid when. I’m not going to start spending indiscretely because “Wheeeee Jon will take care of it!!” He WILL but I’m still very aware of our means and living within them. I’m still very conscious of the bills. The difference is that now I don’t feel crippled by the burden of those expenses. Part of me feels guilty that Jon has taken on that burden, that now he’s the one crunching numbers and carrying our little family. But a larger part recognizes that we’re a team and even while I relinquish the primary responsibility to him, my job now is to make that as easy as possible for him. And I’ll do that – gratefully – because honestly, this whole letting go thing isn’t so bad.
