Last night my 12 year old son ate a cold can of condensed cheddar cheese soup for dinner.
Perhaps I should back up a bit.
Sunday night I was just about to doze off when Jon commented that he thought he heard TheKid in the kitchen. Since our bedroom door opens into the kitchen he propped it open a few inches and waited. A little bit later he was rewarded with an odd bobbing light and clinking noises. TheKid froze when the light flipped on, cell phone flipped open in one hand (makeshift flashlight), the other hand stuck in the silverware drawer.
“What are you doing?” Jon asks calmly
“Um…going for a little walk” TheKid answers with a BOLD FACE LIE even though he’s caught RED HANDED
“Why are you in the silverware drawer?”
“Um…getting a spoon.”
“For what?”
“My soup”
“WHAT SOUP?”
At this point TheKid produces the (already opened) above mentioned can of condensed cheddar cheese soup from his room.
Let’s pause in our narrative to highlight a couple of points:
- This exchange took place at 10:30 PM
- No food is ever allowed in bedrooms. No exceptions. This has been a hard & fast rule his entire life.
- TheKid had a HUGE dinner
- There is a crisper drawer in the fridge full of (his favorite) fruit that he KNOWS is fair game, anytime he wants it. He doesn’t even have to ask. There is also yogurt in there with the same (lack of) conditions. There was ALSO a plate of sliced tomatoes he was encouraged to snack on so that whole “I was HUNGRY” wail he resorted to later fell on deaf ears.
- Despite the abundance of food available to him with NO CONSEQUENCE, my child ate a cold hot dog, several pieces of coffee cake and got busted trying to slurp down cold undiluted cheese soup. It’s almost as if he went in search of the nastiest snacks he could get his defiant little hands on.
And that ladies & gentlemen is how TheKid ended up eating cold soup for dinner while we had red beans & rice. I could give you a whole laundry list of ways he went wrong but the bottom line is all actions have consequences. Making him slurp down a can of slimey atomic orange sludge was his. Funny how when he was forced to eat it, suddenly he didn’t act like it was all that appetizing.
When our friends & family found out what was going on, the reactions ranged from “That’s awesome” to disappointment that we would be “so hard” on him to the oh so popular refrain of “He’s a growing boy!” I hate that statement by the way. I understand pre-teen boys tend to eat constantly. I also understand that MY pre-teen boy makes it his life mission to be a sedentary as possible. I have my lazy days. Friday for example – I crawled out of bed at 9:30am and spent the day moving between the couch & my computer chair. The most effort I made all day was heating up leftover spaghetti for the boys’ lunch. By that evening I had my fill…Saturday was as active as possible lest I go bat $hit crazy. So yeah, I understand lazy in small dozes. But TheKid’s ability & desire to spend days at a time staring at a screen and moaning about having to scoop a litter box baffles me and is certainly not a lifestyle I’ve ever encouraged or promoted. We are constantly kicking his butt outside to go BE A KID ALREADY or telling him to find something to do that does NOT involve a screen or hovering a foot away from my shoulder.
Which brings me to my next point. I am a mother, yes. I am NOT an entertainment center. While I am perfectly happy to take the kids to the lake or a park, it is not my job to actually keep them entertained. I will even play games with them. I’ve even gone as far as to (gasp) have actual conversations with them. It’s not that I have (much of) an aversion to spending time with them but this expectation from kids (and other adults) that it is our job as parents to make sure they’re constantly stimulated and engaged is B.S. They have brains. They have imaginations and it is a disservice to deny them the benefit of boredom. Some of the best games have come from kids sitting around with nothing to do. It is ALSO not our job to protect them from all of life’s bumps & bruises. From major trauma – yes. A child should not have to enter into adolescence with war wounds. But neither should we send them into the world with no idea how to handle their own mistakes – or even understand they will make them, with no concept of falling down much less picking themselves up & dusting themselves off, with no clue that sometimes people just aren’t nice.
Yes. I’m ranting. Because I KNOW TheKid is a growing boy. That’s why he has an abundance of nutritious, nourishing food available to him. His age & sex do not give him free license to lie & defy rules without consequence. Nor does he need to be coddled or his self-esteem protected from his own decisions. I am his parent, not his best friend. I am here to prepare him for adulthood, to help him navigate as he grows into himself – not to kiss his ass and make him believe he’s the best, most special amazing child ever to grace the earth. He IS a unique individual. He does have his strengths and I DO love him. I even LIKE him most of the time. But his self esteem isn’t going to shatter from eating a can of soup. He’s going to make mistakes and his decisions are going to come back and bite him in the ass. Better he learn that now with parents who sit down and (attempt to) use a relatively minor mistake to teach decision making skills than in six years with an authority figure who simply tosses him onto the street.
All that being said – I realize that as adults, we allowed the junk to be available in the first place. The soup was in the back of a very deep pantry because I pour it over chicken breasts in the crockpot. We don’t eat the actual soup (usually) but it gives the chicken a nice flavor and keeps it moist. The coffee cake was intended for a supervised breakfast complete with oranges & yogurt. The hot dog – well what can I say. I fed the kids hot dogs for lunch a couple of weeks ago and forgot there was one lonely little one left buried at the back of the fridge. I do that about once a month, complete with cheap mac & cheese. I’ve also resorted to frozen, chicken strips 3-4 times in the past year and I make a pizza once a week. With non-organic cheese & pepperoni. I know I’m going to dietary hell. Maybe I should clean out my fridge first though.
