There’s a book being passed around our church called “not a fan” (by Kyle Idleman)  You can click the link to learn more about it but I’ll just say, if you consider yourself a follower of Christ, it will – at the very least – make you sit back and seriously examine your life and – at the most -  kick your tail. I read the borrowed copy and will be purchasing one of my own to mark up & dog ear to my heart’s content (and husband’s dismay).

At one point Idleman focuses on the significance of Jesus’ call to “deny yourself and take up your cross and follow me.” (Matthew 16:24 – I changed it to more personal pronouns)  He breaks it down into what the first century listeners would have understood. Here in America we tend to consider that passage in light of inconveniences & mild discomforts.  Christians in other countries would be able to grasp the true meaning much more easily.  But Americans, well,  I think very few of us understand true sacrifice. (How often do we leave out the “deny” part when quoting that verse?) Somehow I don’t think pleading “But I sacrificed my *Starbucks money* for your cause!” is going to impress God all that much. (And trust me, that phrase is straight from my personal encyclopedia of rationalizations) No. God calls us to true sacrifice. He calls us to give up everything. Our control, our lives, our security, our insecurities, our comfort….our boxes.

Did you get that? He wants us to step out of our boxes. He wants us to live uncomfortably.

See here’s the thing. The whole directive to clothe the cold & feed the hungry & give water to the thirsty…I GET that. I can fathom the idea of financial or physical discomfort. I don’t LIKE it but I can deal with it. But relational discomfort…whoa. Hold on. I like my little area of making people feel good, not raising the stinging subject of their eternity.

But again – Jesus didn’t say feed the people and send them on their happy, oblivious way. He was very specific in His command to teach. (Matthew 28:18-20 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. ¹⁹ Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”)

I read “not a fan” on the heels of finishing a study called “Contagious Christian”. And right on the heels of THAT a friend started this website, Dead Church Rising, with the intention of starting a movement, an awakening. He’s trying to stir up those who call ourselves Christ followers. You might call him a trouble makin rabble rouser and he’d probably wear that title proudly. He’s calling for us to authentically live out what we claim. I can’t say I know him really well but I can promise you this: he’ll never pull punches but he is passionate and honest and transparent.

I know this is already long and rambly but if you’ll indulge me an excerpt from his July 13 post. Don’t skim this. Read it.

“Soon after <Jesus rose from the dead>, the Apostles and other disciples of Jesus began to share with the world the great news that, Jesus had not only died on the cross, but had risen from the dead to be the final sacrifice for their sins! The Bible tells us that in the beginning there were only 120 believers and yet that small band of followers spent the rest of their lives sharing the news of Jesus with anyone and everyone who would listen. (Emphasis mine)

Nearly 2000 years later it is evident that the efforts of those men and women was not in vain. In fact, as I sit here writing I realize how grateful I am for their passion and sacrifice….“

And then this little gem “So here we are…2011…and I can’t help but wonder, who is going to be grateful for our passion and our faithfulness?“

So now what? What does this mean for your life? Does it mean anything or can you read it, nod, and forget about it?

I’ll be honest. I don’t know what it means for my life. But when I figure it out I’ll let you know.

“How do we deem someone worthy of our assistance?”  How often does that question arise. It seems to show up on a fairly regular basis in my life…usually in reference to someone on a street corner holding a sign.

Oh it’s never worded in that manner. We frame it with responsible sounding phrases. We discuss being good stewards and not enabling those with alcohol or drug problems. We volley words such as “wisdom” and “discretion”.

I (thought I) maintain a fairly simple stance. We are charged to love. That’s it. Not judge our fellow humans with “wise decisions”. Just…love. That sounds preachy but trust me, it’s not meant to be. Stick with me please. I am not endorsing you run out, find the nearest transient and hand them your debit card, PIN and house key. God gave us brains and yes, I do believe He expects us to display…well…discretion. But if you hand that mostly toothless guy on the corner a $5 bill – is that REALLY bad stewardship? Really? I tend to think that the junk in the trunk (yes I did just go there) that was just purchased at the store reflects stewardship habits more than tossing some cash out the window. Or…here’s a twist. Buy someone a sandwich, talk to them, and acknowledge them as another human being struggling through life.  That one is a little more difficult than slipping a bill out the window while avoiding eye contact and driving off quickly. (Obviously this depends on the person in question. I am not so naive that I don’t recognize there are people who act specifically to take advantage of others’ kindness & I have encountered a few who flat out refused assistance of physical goods/insisted on cash)

Buying a stranger on the corner a sandwich comes (relatively) easy to me. And I have no qualms about handing out cash to that sign holder. I honestly don’t wrestle with that insidious question “what are they going to do with it?”  That’s God’s realm. I’m only called to love on them. I ache for those who struggle. I crave the ability and means to reach out and relieve them for even a bit.  I don’t write this to be preachy or to sound good.  I haven’t live out my own words for far too long…a fact that grieves me. Actually, I share my viewpoint and supposed passion to highlight a dichotomy in my life.

Recently we have opened our home and our schedule and our family to someone God dropped directly into my husband’s and my collective lap. We have given our time and our words and our tears and our laughter. And through it all, with every new development or story or day ending with ‘y’ I’ve wrestled with the question “Is this person worthy of our assistance?” Again, not in those exact words. But I’ve debated the veracity and sincerity of their words and actions.  Because my level of personal involvement is deeper, I’ve (mentally) held them to a higher standard than I would a stranger.  I’ve shared my home and my spouse and they had better be worth it dammit.

My husband doesn’t have this problem.  While I have maintained emotional reserve, he has (acknowledged our questions & set them aside and) loved unabashedly. He simply rests in a relationship with them, peaceful in his calling.  I have…not been so peaceful. I am crazy proud of my husband. I’m amazed at the leadership skills he’s cultivating and the spirit of compassion he demonstrates. But insecurity has rattled me (again).  I know God has placed this situation in our life for a reason yet fear and control has battled His voice within me.

God has repeatedly admonished me with words of comfort and correction. It doesn’t MATTER if their motivation is pure. It doesn’t MATTER if their stories are true. That judgement is not my job, not my responsibility. Their past…ultimately…it doesn’t matter.  God is in control of their past and their future. He can completely transform their life.(In fact there’s some pretty compelling evidence of that happening!) My life and family and marriage and future are in His hands as well and this need to cling tightly to & protect it all is…pointless. All of this…all of it…it’s, well God’s realm. Not mine.

The strangers are easy for me but I don’t know if it can truly be called love. Their life intersects mine for only the briefest moment. This….this situation…this relationship…this has been the true test of faith and love in which I’ve not fared so well.  Thankfully God has more patience than me…and I can be taught.

Luke 12: 22-31    22 Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life[a]? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? 27 “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! 29 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30 For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

This was the passage that popped up on my phone this morning for my devotional. I have been reading a blog lately – Sara aka Gitzen Girl . She is one of the strongest women I’ve ever had the privilege of coming in “contact” with. Her faith and writing challenge and inspire those who choose to visit her corner of the world.  Today’s passage brought her instantly to mind. One phrase she’s used that smacked me was “God provides what you need when you need it.” (Okay I’m paraphrasing and might not have it exactly right but that’s the sentiment).

That’s a powerful phrase. It’s a powerful passage. But this morning I almost felt…guilty. Not because I don’t depend on God. I do. But let’s face it…there’s no concern over whether we’ll be able to feed the kids. We don’t have to find a place to sleep at night. We don’t have to wonder if our children are going to be taken from us or if our church services are going to be busted.

I felt guilty because I am so incredibly blessed. Because I was born into a stable family in America with all the freedom and privilege that entails.  Because I have three healthy, intelligient children. Because I am married to a Godly man that treasures and takes care of me and our relationship.

But here’s the thing – God gave me all that. For now this is the life He wants me to live. He has a plan for all these blessings. There is a purpose beyond my happiness. Guilt is not the appropriate or intended response. Thanksgiving and praise – those are approriate. I don’t want to take it for granted. And I won’t even get into the difference between “need” and “want” and our my skewed perceptions…at least not in this post.