When we got back from vacation, I decided I needed to retain a fragment of my vacation self. I decided I need to be intentional about resting, taking days just to play, relaxing.
We’ve been back less than a month. Three and half weeks if you want to be exactly. I spent Saturday playing. I took pictures of TheBoy. I baked. We spent the evening at friends’. But the idea of being at church 11 hours Sunday weighed on me. I dreaded the next morning, the next month. Three and half weeks and I was already starting to feel the beginnings of burn out. I didn’t understand it.
I can’t emphasis this enough…I absolutely LOVE working on Sundays. And yesterday was no exception. Once I was there (after an initial stressful moment because someone had moved my stuff) and in the midst of it, I didn’t want to be anywhere else. But I was still exhausted.
Sundays used to be one of my most energetic days. I remember vividly the feeling of vivacity. I never felt run down or exhausted. I would joke it was super natural energy. But perhaps I shouldn’t have joked.
Here’s my confession – my “quiet times” lately have been quiet. They’ve been peaceful. But they haven’t been particularly God centered. Oh I’ve read my two minute devotionals. I’ve bowed my head and talked at Him for a little bit. I’ve skimmed over a few Psalms. And all the while my to-do list for the day has been churning in the back of my mind or I get distracted by another email I check “just for a second” after the devotional or I quickly set my Bible down for my car keys… I have been moving further from “getting out of the way and letting God do…” and more towards “here’s what I need to do…” And quite frankly, I don’t have the energy to be the mother, wife, volunteer, friend and employee that I need to…should….want to be.
It’s time I start my days with “You’re gonna have to get this one God” instead of “Okay, you’ve got 15 minutes”. Things work a lot better when I do.